Today I had to head back to St. Joe's hospital here in tow. My thyroid has decided recently that it needs to go through a mid life crisis and skip town so that meant a trip to the doc and some blood tests to see exactly where it is at and adjust my medicine as needed. I only found out about the appointment yesterday so I didn't have much time to prepare. But, that did not mean the flood of emotions did not come back as soon as I walked in Grovsenor Entrance #2. I DREAD going to St. Joe's I was so happy they moved most things over to Vic because I do not like going to St. Joe's. I have nothing but bad bad memories of that place. The last time I was there, visiting the thyroid doc was when I was pregnant with Jacob, before we knew about his situation. But St. Joe's is also the same place we spent an entire day (literally 8am and didn't leave until about 4pm) learning all about Jacob's diagnosis. I remember that day so well, like it was almost yesterday. My parents, Stephen and I piled into the car and headed off. I know I've blogged about it before so I won't go into details but as I sat there waiting for the doc my mind went there. It went to everything that happened that day and I got very emotional. It was one of the hardest days of our life. Going back there today just made me remember everything associated with that day and all I wanted was to run away, to escape but the endo doc always takes an hour so I knew I was stuck. I suffered silently while I waited and just sat thinking about that day, my mind would not let me switch to thinking about something else. It's the place, it's being in that place that brings all these memories back.
I was so thankful after we lost Ty to have the whole maternity centre moved so everything we went through with Jacob was in a new place and didn't have so much emotion tied to it, well I mean now it does. It's hard to be in some of the same places I was with the boys (one of the reasons a new job was a better choice for me) and trust me, if we could we would move because this place is hard to live in sometimes. But we must stay for now and as for other places, I'm pretty good at avoiding them however, there are times like today when I have to face my fear and visit places that cause a lot of emotion. I can remember Stephen and I had to go to St. Joes a few months ago, for the life of me I can't remember why but we were there and it was around lunch so we went down to the cafeteria and had lunch. Sitting there I got teary eyed because the last time we were sitting there was on that day, in between all of our appointments, trying to get some food down with my mom and I both crying. It hurts to have those memories, to feel such attachment emotionally to a place. I really do no like hospitals, I had no problem before but since the loss of both boys, those places bring back hard memories. Memories filled with emotion.
I did survive today though and won't go back for 6 months, just have to do monthly blood tests (which I suspected) since my thyroid seems to be having a lot of problems at the moment. But that is fine, as long as I do not have to set foot in St. Joe's for awhile. That place has so much more emotional feelings then Vic does. I'm okay with Vic but St. Joe's, that's one of the places I avoid at all costs!
And on that note, I think I deserve some peach rhubarb crisp for being able to go and survive this morning!c