Today has been an okay day. It started at 5:30am like it has been for a few weeks which always ends up in me taking a nap between 11 and 1 because I just cannot keep my eyes open any longer. We met with our interim priest today to talk about what was going on and to do another healing oils ceremony in the church. I wish I could live at the church during this hard time. I always feel so much more at peace and calm when I am at church but I know God is about going out into the world of evil too and seeing how we do. Glad tomorrow is Sunday....hoping we can share our miracle with some of the church members. A lot of my friends may find it weird that I talk so much about God now because I never use to be religious but since we lost Ty it is the one thing I can rely on, the one thing that gives me a sense of comfort and peace, the one thing that will always be there no matter what and those are just some of the reasons I want to deepen my faith. Plus there is no doubt in my mind God is the one healing our baby.
Went to Sunfest this afternoon and met up with a friend. It was nice to sit and talk and catch up not to mention the chicken curry wrap, samosa and onion balja (sp?) was delicious, I hope Sweet Pea likes it. Like with Ty, I've tried to have different ethnic food so the baby can get a nice taste palate, plus it helps that I LOVE it. We have so many choices in London of great ethnic food to eat. I am thankful we get that experience. I did find because we were walking around a lot that Sweet Pea was a bit quieter which always worries me so we came home and I sat in the rocking chair and played some music and she/he has let me know they are still okay.
My friend said something to me that kind of bothers me. It's nothing she said but what some people have asked her. I guess people ask her why my husband and I would do this to ourselves, put ourselves through this. I know some people do not understand but I don't get it. I just want to say to them, for one thing, no matter if we chose to terminate or not we would still be putting ourselves through much grief, why not give our baby the chance to have the best life it can. Why not enjoy the time we have? Again, no matter what we would have done were still "putting ourselves through" something and I much rather it be happiness then deep regret. Another thing, for those people who have children, I want to say "So your child is 5 okay, if you child was gravely ill and not expected to live would you let your child just die or would you do everything you could to save your child and give your child the best chance? Pretty sure any parent would say they would fight for their child so how is this any different? We believe the life inside of us is a life, it is our child and our child is sick and we will fight as hard as we can to give our child the best chance possible. We love our child and cherish our child and this is why we are choosing to carry on. I don't expect lots of people to understand that just as I don't understand people who would give up on their child. It would just be nice if people didn't care and rather spent their energy supporting us. I guess some people may not be as strong as us. If we knew we would loose Ty we would have still carried him, we cherished every day we got with him. Same as our Sweet Pea, I love her/his little kicks so much and the hiccups and getting to see our baby move around and do cute little things on the ultrasound, it is so worth it.
That's all for the day, not much going on, time to knit our "going home" (we pray) blanket. God please continue to heal our Sweet Pea, please let the lungs develop and let the kidney keep functioning, please heal my body to support the baby in healing. Thank you for all you have blessed us with.
Sweet Pea, mommy, daddy and big brother Ty love you. We can't wait to meet you and we pray we get to bring you home. Keep fighting and stay strong and we will keep fighting for you. We will NEVER give up on you, we will continue to have hope, faith and believe in you. Hugs and Kisses