Tuesday is a HUGE and I mean HUGE step in life for Stephen and I. It will be his first time away from me, pretty much since we met and he's going out of town. He is heading to Toronto for the day for work and I'll be in London freaking out like crazy (but I have a list of things to get done so hopefully that keeps me distracted) Who am I kidding, no amount of anything will keep me distracted. At first he was going to drive by himself and I considered going with him for the ride and just exploring Toronto for the day or going somewhere but then he said he would not be able to concentrate with me in downtown TO all by myself. So the plan was to keep me home with no car, worrying away like I have become so good at!
Plans changed again today and for a mama who has severe anxiety when it comes to plans changing (a side affect of my grief) my heart can barely take it BUT it was a plan that has allowed me to breathe a bit easier. Stephen will be driving with someone from work and I will have the car. Not that I NEED the car to survive but my fear was if something happened to him I would panic and not know how to get to him, though I know there are people in London who'd make sure I got to him, given I probably shouldn't be driving if something did happen to him anyways....but I am glad to know he will be with someone. It makes me feel a lot better. It may sound silly to some but I know nothing in life is guaranteed and I feel so protective over him because I would be lost without him and if anything happened to him, might as well just lock me up because I don't think I'd make it through, he is my everything.
Now that I went on a sap fest, I do need prayers because I know, no amount of distractions will calm my anxiety, I just hope I don't eat my weight in fear. I'm soooooo close to loosing all of Jacob's weight, I don't to take a step back. I just need to take some deep breaths tomorrow and try my hardest to keep busy and he'll be home before I know it! We have never been that far apart (and for those of you who don't know, it's about 2 1/2 hours from London to Toronto) so it is quite an anxious moment for me and I'll be interested to see how my body handles it. Last time I was this stressed I was sick to my stomach (which could explain the nauseousness today) hoping it doesn't get that bad tomorrow. I did buy some chocolate today because I read eating chocolate sends happy signals to your brain and I thought I'd give it a shot to see if it would help any. Plus, who can refuse 75% off Easter candy? No one, that's who!
So please, say a special prayer for Stephen's safe travels and my sanity for Tuesday.