I checked my Bella B cream status today and it said shipped, thank the lord it is on it's way! I don't think I can take many more days with this itchy belly. I probably should have the Dr. look at it next time, I do think its only stretch marks but they are bumpy and in one spot so just to be sure. The Belly B cream really works for relieving the itch so now I just have to wait 2-6 days. In the meantime, try not to itch and make it worse and try to find some relief with something.
I went out today, I decided I didn't like the outfit for Matea I got so I had to go get a different one. I went to the north end Bonnie Togs first and found two really cute outfits and my husband was with me so it was a quick visit in and out and bought only what I needed. We then came home, I dropped him off and I headed to the south end Bonnie Togs....not going to lie, I did buy a few things but when Osh Kosh (which is a good sturdy brand) is on sale for $2.99 for shirts and pants how could I not get a few outfits? I bought a few for a girl and a boy and I also bought a coming home girl outfit, praying she gets to wear it. It was hard to be in that store seeing all those cute clothes on sale, I just hope I HAVE to go back and get more clothes because Matea will survive. It didn't make me sad to buy those things knowing I may not need them for a few years, the part that made me sad was when we were in Old Navy and I was near the baby section, that was hard, that mad me angry, it upset me that I would not need to shop there anytime soon. But we made it through and I survived.
We dropped off the last load of items to donate to Goodwill. Three car loads later I can see a bit of space in our shoebox...but it still doesn't feel like we got rid of a lot, maybe because everything we got rid of in storage was replaced with baby furniture and toys we don't need right now. Either way it felt good to get rid of everything. My goal is to have everything cleaned and in order by next Tuesday because I am praying there has been a small change and I am ordered to bed rest in hopes of helping Matea grow.
I also decided today that when people ask me about being pregnant I am going to tell them, I don't want to hide it anymore. I want that joy we had with Ty, even though she will most likely not survive, I still want to share her short happy life with others. I hid it at the beginning because I was so afraid of loosing her, well turns out we are but now I want everyone to know about her, I wish I hadn't hid her in the beginning. So now I will happily tell people about our sweet Matea, when she is due, what she is (or so we think) and anything else that is asked. I think before part of the reason I was afraid to tell anyone was because it may have led to questions about Ty but I am getting more comfortable with telling people...Matea agrees like usual, she is kick kick kicking away. I have also found that she kicks everytime I visit Ty at his grave so I started telling him she is saying Hi. They have such a deep and special bond I will never understand, I just pray Ty is putting in a word with God to let her stay on earth with us. Less then a week away....getting nervous, maybe that's what I feel so sick to my stomach. Sleep is getting harder too, not only is it still physical but emotional now too being less then a week away from an extremely important appointment and a very long but praying for a hopeful day at the hospital....
Here's some pics from today.
Milo giving the baby hospital bags some love before they were filled.
The hopefully coming home outfit, though I'm sure it'll need to be a bigger size, if she is born living she will most likely need to be in the NICU for awhile but it gives me some hope and a focus.
Her new burial outfit.
Girl hospital bag-Soft blanket, the actual bag, a preemie outfit, a burial outfit, a going home outfit, a washcloth, a hooded towel, two bunnies (one for her, one for us) and lots of love.
For both genders- Sweet Pea outfit, christening shoes, bath kit with bath wash, lotion, washcloth and a hair brush.
In case we get a surprise. Boy hospital bag- soft blanket, hospital bag, preemie outfit, burial/going home outfit, hooded towel, washcloth, two teddies (one for him, one for us) and lots of love.