I have been out walking and now jogging everyday for the last 3 weeks and it has lead me to find a new favourite place in London. It's on top of a hill about 5 minutes from our house and it overlooks all of London, it is a breathtaking view. I was there this morning, I jogged most of the way there and walked back. I just sat for awhile talking to God, feeling the warmth of the sun on my legs, breathing in the fresh air, thinking about the future and enjoying the view. I left once the weed whacker and the kids showed up but I intend on going there every morning that it is nice out. It's such a peaceful place and I feel very connected to God there. I was thinking about a house this morning, usually every time I am out walking I think of a house because I often walk by someone who is doing laundry and that smell...ohhh the smell of fresh laundry tugs at my heart, it makes me teary eyed. When I smell fresh laundry I think of a loving, comfy, family home. A place with a loving family inside, doing things together, growing, accomplishing, succeeding, loving, caring.....the things I want in my house. So it got me thinking about what I want in a house. I don't need anything fancy or big, I don't need anything expensive or top of the line, the things I want are memories. Ty and Jacob will never get to experience life in our household and it breaks my heart they won't know that love, they won't know that life. I walked by a little boy earlier on my second walk and he was eating an apple. It made me cry, Ty and Jacob will never even get to eat an apple, something so mundane to must but so meaningful to me.....the tears flow so freely these days.
Back to the house....I want a house that is roomie enough for a large family (my parents will be living with us and we intend on having many kids) it doesn't have to be huge, kids can share rooms, we'll be a very close family. I want a washer and dryer so I can enjoy the smell of fresh laundry and hope it gives my kids the same sense of warmth and love it gives me. I want a laundry line because the smell of freshly dried bedsheets on a warm sunny day.....so yummy! I want a big back yard so we can garden and teach the kids all about nature, so the kids can pick off fresh raspberries and pea to their little hearts content. I want a big dinning table so our entire family can fit around the table, including empty chairs for Ty and Jacob. I want a bathtub. It's the simple things in a house I want. Most importantly I want it to be a place where my kids grow and feel so incredibly loved, I want them to feel that home is where the heart is and that no matter where they go, home will always be there for them. I don't require much, I'd take an old soul and giver her new life, or I'd take a middle ager and make her home. Give her a few facelifts and she'd be young and better looking then ever. I'd even take a fresh youngster. I don't know when it will happen, all I can do is pray to God that he lets it happen soon. Stephen and I really need a break, we need something good to look forward too, something to hold on too. Something to make our own, something to mould our future around. I don't consider a home a material object because the actual house structure does not matter, it's what lies inside, the family, the love, the care, the warmth...the future, the hope, the dreams....we had those once, we had those twice but both times they were crushed. We can't do much but try to pick ourselves back up and try to piece together what we want our future to be and that starts with a place to call home. A place where the great grandparents can come and see 4 generations of families together, where we can celebrate love and life, old or new. Where we can celebrate the blessings God gives us on a daily basis. That is what a home is made of, not hardwood floors or granite counter-tops, not 6 bedrooms and 6 bathrooms, not stainless steel appliances....it's about a loving family. Please God give us the opportunity to start creating a home...a place where generations can gather and celebrate. We don't ask much but it is the only dream we have left and we can't bear the heartache of loosing that dream either.