We spent the night away last night, we went to my husband's sisters wedding. I wasn't looking forward to spending the night because I don't like to be away from home right now, I had the same problem after we lost Ty. Needless to say, I bought Ty and Tea with us, in the most logical sense that they can be brought with us. Though Tea can actually physically still come with us but Ty more in spirit. (Picture below) They were enjoying the view from our room. We ended up getting an upgrade because our a/c didn't work in the first room and being 6 months pregnant in humid hot weather is not happening.
Walking around the grounds looking at the pond.
All dressed up for the wedding.
Things were going okay, it was hard to see the babies and pregnant women, I cannot stand pregnant women right now. I don't like how blissful and ignorant they are I just want to slap some sense into them and tell them babies do die. I know it's not my place but it upsets me and makes me angry that some people can have children so easily and not know how blessed they are and take it for granted when others have multiple losses, as a mother who has had to bury two children let me tell you, things happen so be thankful for every moment you get with your baby, even in the womb.
The other thing that really bothered me was the speeches, so help me God if one more person talked about being a mother or father or having children I would have lost it. It was so hard to sit there and be harassed with that kind of vocabulary. I tried to ignore it but it was impossible, I got teary eyed and had to bite my lip hard not to start crying because I knew, I felt if I started it would not stop and I would be sobbing and have to leave and people would be looking at me like I was crazy. At least most of the people there knew our situation but it still was hard so at the next break we went back up to the room for a bit and I just laid down and held my Ty and my Sweet Pea.
Matea enjoyed herself, she liked the food (especially the chocolate cake) and seemed to like the music. She has been kicking like crazy. The doctors said she may not move as much due to the lack of fluid but she is as active as Ty was and I love it. I love to sit and rub my belly and poke her back when she kicks and start a little game.
It was just hard emotionally, I felt so many things yesterday all I wanted was for Matea to be okay. My sinuses were horrible and I got bit by a horsefly and today I have a lack of sleep hangover. No more 1am nights for me! I just want to find joy in doing things. All I feel like doing is sitting at home on my butt in front of the TV but I know that is not good, we have gone out and I have enjoyed a few things but it's hard to enjoy anything anymore. I guess I should hold onto the things that I do enjoy and make sure to do them a lot.
I do know I look forward to getting a new laptop, I cannot take this one anymore. For as much as I am online and doing things, the time has come to retire the Gateway and move onto an HP and hopefully get rid of these headaches. They have been really bad with this pregnancy.